Peter and Brian in Baking a Murder
by Bobby South
Summary: Here comes the Family Guy take on the latest blockbuster hit short Wallace and Gromit movie - 'A Matter of Loaf and Death'.
1. Introduction

Family Guy presents:

Peter Griffin and Brian Griffin as Wallace and Gromit

In

BAKING A MURDER

By

Bobby South

Here comes the latest _Family Guy_ take on the latest Wallace and Gromit hit short, _A Matter of Loaf and Death_.

Note: I do not own any of these. Wallace and Gromit were created by the never-disappointing Nick Park and _Family Guy_ was created by the never-fail-to-make-you-laugh Seth MacFarlane.

Cast List

Peter Griffin as Wallace

Brian Griffin as Gromit

Angela as Piella Bakewell

Jillian Russell as Fluffles

Opie as Baker Bob

Recurring:

Tom Tucker as himself

Diana Simmons as herself

Ollie Williams as himself

Tricia Takanawa as herself

And Stewie Griffin as Feathers McGraw

* * *

The Griffins were at Quahog Airport, walking to their gate.

"Oh, my gosh, Peter, I can't believe we're going to Egypt!" exclaimed Lois.

"Yeah, seeing the pyramids, getting a good tan and wondering if there really is life in the universe via the pyramids," agreed Lois.

When they got to their gate, they heard an announcement. "The flight for Egypt will be delayed for about half an hour. Sorry for any inconvenience."

The Griffins groaned. "What do we do now?" asked Chris.

"Well, if we leave this gate, someone else could take our seats and the plane might come earlier than it said, so let's not leave," said Brian.

"We'll be bored," moaned Peter.

"I don't want to read my new book until we're in the air," said Lois.

"I didn't charge up my PSP or other electronic devices," said Chris.

"Well, you're not having my baby rattler!" snapped Stewie. "Only _I_ can use it."

Everyone was then looking for Meg. "What?" she asked. "I don't have anything to say or anything to play with."

"I guess we're living in Meg's world now," sighed Peter.

"The only thing I can do is tell a story," said Meg. "To interest you, I can tell you a murder in a bakery story. It all started one day when…"


	2. Goodbye, Bob, and Hello, Piella!

At the Top Bun bakery (formally known as 62 West Wallaby Street), Gromit was watching the news as he was making the loaves of bread. Gromit was enjoying more of the hard work than listening to the news.

"Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker," greeted Tom Tucker on the news.

"And I'm Diana Simmons," joined in Diana Simmons.

"First, Ollie Williams will tell us what the weather is like," said Tom. "What's the weather like, Ollie?"  
"BOILIN'!" yelled Ollie.

"Thanks, Ollie," said Tom. "Now for our top story: Last night, our dearly beloved Baker Bob was dead, making him the twelfth baker found dead this year! Roll the clip."

On the TV, the screen showed the Bob the Baker shop at night and the song _I've Got Love in My Tummy_ was playing very loudly on the radio. Then Baker Bob was singing how he usually sings, which would be "Wablu! Wablu! Wablu!" Then it got louder. "WABLU! WABLU! WABLU!" Then it went silent.

"Ten minutes later," concluded Tom, "the Police arrived and he was declared dead."  
That made Gromit worried. "We could be next."

Then the alarm clock from Wallace's room went off. But Gromit knew that Wallace, since he was in the room where the grinds and cogs were, would have cotton wools in his ears to sleep well and he wouldn't here the alarm clock, so he filled a balloon with water and he hung it up on the windmill arm.

Upstairs, Wallace was farting in his sleep. "Oh, lovely beer!" he sighed in his sleep. "I could just have it with a delicious – BALLOON?" Wallace quickly woke up to see what woke him up. It was the water balloon that Gromit has sent to wake him up.

"What did you do that for?" yelled Wallace angrily. "I was just coming!"

"Yeah, right," moaned Gromit as he pulled down the lever that would send him out of bed, down and the chute and into his trousers in line with the flour bags. The sacks chucked down the flour and Wallace joined them. The flour was about to go into the mixture of the bread and Wallace would've gone into it, if Gromit hadn't pulled the chute away from the mixture. Gromit was busy on the fork-truck, putting the bread into their Top Bun dough-to-door van.

* * *

Soon Wallace and Gromit were driving along the road. Gromit was driving, while Wallace, dressed in his full gear, was reading the newspaper. "Oh, damn, another dead baker!" he screamed. "Well, one bright side – he's in heaven now. And there's another bright side for us – more business for us!"

"For me than you, lately," whispered Gromit.

"I heard that!" yelled Wallace. "What do you mean by that?"

"I just wished you'd do some hard work like me sometimes!" barked Gromit.

"Well, I'm too old for hard work! Besides, I'm the brains in this business whereas you're just the brawns," Wallace argued back.

Gromit had to laugh. "Me – brawns? You – brains? That is the stupidest bullshit you have ever just said."

Then they got down to business. They dropped the breads off to the bun shops, then they threw a loaf to each letter box of each door like a postman and ducks in ducks ponds get a treat by a big SPLASH! "Is it raining bread?" one duck would think and ask. And another one would say, "Oh, no! It's the ghost of Adolf Hitler, trying to get rid of us Jewish ducks."

Soon, Wallace and Gromit were about to head for home. "Mission accomplished, pal," cheered Wallace. "We've hit the… bulls-eye." He threw the last bread and it hit the left eye of Bullseye the horse, which knocked Sherriff Woody off. The thieves they were trying to get for robbing a bank could now get away so easily.

"Nice job, Bulls-eye!" yelled Woody. "Now how are we going to get those thieves now?"

"Well, if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself!" growled Bulls-eye as he stormed off leaving Woody behind.

The reason Wallace didn't look where he threw that last piece of bread was because he thought he could see someone coming on a bike. Someone he knew… from TV! It was the actress who played the Bake-O-Lite bread company commercials he had been watching on telly. Then he saw her speeding down the slope of the hill. She was screaming her head off and she wasn't the only one! Her pet poodle was screaming too!

Then they had some luck – Wallace and Gromit's van was catching up to them!

"Take this wheel, lad," ordered Wallace. Gromit did, realizing the van had no wheel at all. Then he saw Wallace was out on the bonnet on the truck. He put on his Indiana Jones hat and he threw his whip on a lamppost and he swung across and landed in front of the lady's bike.

"Don't worry, ma'am," assured Wallace. "Teacakes, Gromit. Throw the whole fruit meal on me balls!"

Gromit, in control of the wheel and the van, threw all the tea cakes to Wallace's balls. Wallace tried to stop the bike, but it just kept on rolling and rolling and rolling… into the zoo!

They did not stop moving until they came to the alligators! The bike crashed into the wall. They all began to fall down. Wallace threw the whip to the nearest tree and his foot caught the lady in her mouth, shutting up her useless muffles.

But her poodle fell into the giant alligator's mouth! Gromit had his own gadget – a bat swing that he borrowed from Batman. He shot down into the mouth and out of the shot the bat swing, which wrapped around the lady's nose, and Gromit and the poodle.

* * *

Everyone took a breather. "Are you all right?" Wallace asked.

"Yes, thanks to you," answered the lady. "It's those damn brakes again. We're very grateful, aren't we, Fluffles?"

"What? Oh, yeah. We're very grateful!" And the poodle, called Fluffles, gave Wallace a cute kiss.

"How lovely," exclaimed Wallace.

"My name is Piella Bakewell," said the lady, offering her hand.

"I know you, miss," exclaimed Wallace, shaking her hand. "I've seen your commercials. I'm light as a Feather, I'm the Bake-O-Lite girl "

"Whoa!" Piella was impressed. "Not many people notice people from commercials."

"It doesn't matter to me," Wallace told her. "I'm Wallace, owner and manager of the Top Bun bakery here."

"Whoa! That sounds like a big job," Piella said.

"Are you still ballooning, Miss – "

"Hey! I know I'm not skinny, but I'm trying to slim down and – "

"No!" interrupted Wallace. "I meant the Bake-O-Lite balloon."

"Oh, right," said Piella, getting it. "No, the Bake-O-Lite company's been flushed down the toilet and everyone is looking for jobs to do and you know how much everyone wants a job but can't get one, due to the overpopulation."

"Well, we'd better get back to the grind before someone beats us to it," Wallace said. "Cheerio, Miss Bakewell."

"_Au Revoir_, Mr. Wallace," said Piella back, as she took her bicycle. Wallace kept his eyes on Piella as she and Fluffles rode out of the zoo.

Gromit came to Wallace. "Wallace, I checked her brakes while you were talking. They worked perfectly."

"I'm sure it wasn't," sighed Wallace, walking out of the zoo.

Gromit knew Wallace was under a love spell, so he decided to just get into the van and drive on.

As he drove off, all the animals had saw what had happened, including one penguin called Feathers McGraw! "Ohh!" he cried. "At least, my archenemies are going to meet their match!"


	3. This Cannot be Happening to Me

It would be better for Gromit _not_ to have Wallace in the kitchen than have him in the kitchen if he's going to stay in the kitchen looking at the Piella Bkaewell face he made out of dough, instead of helping him.

"Have you ever met the girl of your dreams before, Gromit?" Wallace asked.

"Don't ask me!" Gromit yelled.

_Gromit remembered the time he met a Scottish collie dog he was dating at Dogwarts University. Her name was Judy and she and he were happy, until a bull-dog wrestler called Kevin who wrestled bulls stole her from him. Ever since, Gromit decided to stay away from dating._

Then the doorbell rang. Wallace went to answer it. It was Piella and Fluffles.

"We were just walking by and we saw your bakery," said Piella. "We need manly company, don't we, Fluffles?"

"What? Oh, yes. Please, join us, Mr. Wallace," begged Fluffles.

"You can manage without me, can't you, buddy?" called Wallace, as he shut the door.

"I can, you brainless shithead!" whispered Gromit under his breath.

* * *

But Gromit didn't know it was the beginning. For the next two months, he would have to make the bread, check it doesn't burn to a crisp in the oven and make the deliveries all by himself. The only company he had was a headache and tiredness.

Of course, Wallace couldn't see this at all. He was so busy with Piella, taking her to see the latest movie_ Sex and the City: The Lost Condom_, taking her to see the best restaurants, like Pizza Hutt and MacDonald's, and taking her to hear the romantic concerts once every two nights. They would play the songs later and so loudly that Gromit couldn't sleep very well.

"Oh, God, I feel like Blackadder serving that stupid Prince Regent!"

_It's true! In Regency England, the prat Prince Regent was very brainless and Blackadder, his butler, would have to be both brain and brawn for him. An example happened one day, when the Prince was lying on a sofa reading and then he began to sneeze._

_"Oh, Blackadder! Blackaddder!" the Prince cried._

_Blackadder rushed in. "Yes, your highness?"_

_"I'm a little bit cold," the Prince told him. "Could you pull my sock down a bit?"_

_"I think you mean up a bit," Blackadder corrected him._

_"Whatever! Just do it, will you?" Blackadder did so. "And get this place dusted, will you? I'm sneezing!" added the Prince._

"_Whatever you say, sir," replied Blackadder, ringing the bell. "Baldrick!"  
Baldrick entered with the feather duster. "Yes, Mr. Blackadder?"_

"_Give this place a dust."_

"_Right away."_

_But, as Baldrick started dusting, the Prince was sneezing._

"_Oy! Careful!" the Prince yelled._

Yes, that's how Gromit always felt. But, one day, Gromit felt worse than ever. After delivering bread alone again, Gromit went home and saw that his own gear – like books and CDs and all of his favourites were in the bin! No one even bothered to put his drinking glass into the recycling bin!

Gromit went into the house and saw it was redecorated with flowers and lovely hearts and all girly things. "What the hell's going on?" he asked.

He entered the dining room. There he could see the same as the hallway and it was all Piella's work. Wallace, of course, was enjoying it.

"This is awesome," Wallace cried.

"It looks like you haven't had a woman's touch for years," Piella said.

"No," answered Wallace. "And neither has Gromit, have you lad? Not since that bull bog bastard stole your bitch from Dogwarts University."

"No and now I'm in a _Desperate Housewives _home!" yelled an angry Gromit as he shot up to his room. He saw his room was redecorated as well, with all his favourite gear gone!

"That bitch!" he yelled. "That stupid, ugly, useless, pathetic, evil – "

A knock on the door help him drain his anger away. He opened the door and he saw Fluffles, holding the cardboard box with all his gear.

"Thank you," said Gromit.

"Hide them," Fluffles ordered. "If Piella finds out, she'll only throw them back in again."

"What's wrong?" asked Gromit.

"FLUFFLES! Come on! Time to go, I'm afraid!" called Piella.

"Coming, Miss Piella," cried Fluffles. "Bye."

Gromit saw that there was some troubling going on with her.

Soon Piella Bakewell and Fluffles were on their bike, cycling away from 62 West Wallaby Street. Wallace was very tired.

"Love may be worth all the trouble, but it still drains all the energy away from you," Wallace told Gromit. Then he noticed a purse.

"Piella's purse!" he cried. "I must take it to her house immediately."

But, as he opened the door, he saw it was raining. "Uh, Gromit?"

"No way, Wallace! No way whatsoever!" yelled Gromit.

"Well, here's the choice: either you take Piella's purse back to her house or you can help me with the hovering!"

He quickly got the hover out himself. It was an automatic hover that hovers everywhere by itself. It was chasing Gromit around the house and Gromit's barking could not stop it.

"All right! All right! I'll do it!" And he quickly zoomed out of the house, faster than the speed of love. Then the machine broke down.

"Oh, man!" yelled Wallace. "Mind you, it had got him out of the house."

* * *

Gromit arrived at the house of Piella Bakewell. It looked dark and spooky. No wonder she wasn't a famous actress. He began to knock on the door, but it opened by itself. He walked in and heard the telly going on in the lounge. He began to knock on that, but a thunderclap make him turned 90 degrees and he headed up upstairs. He was in his usual curious mood again.

Gromit was shocked to see some plastic shop dummies with aprons and baker hats on them. "No wonder her purse gets lost!" chuckled Gromit. "She likes her shopping." Then he turned around to find a book. "What's this?" he asked.

He opened it and, on the one page, there was a picture with Piella with the Swedish Chef. And it was crossed with red pen. He looked at the No. 1 on the dummy. Then he turned the page over and it was Piella Bakewell with Alfredo Linguini and his rat pal, Remy. Gromit looked at No.2 and he saw a dead rat hanging on the wall.

Through the book, he could find on:

3. Mickey Murphy (from _Camberwick Green_)

4. Private Sod Off Baldrick

5. The Mos Eisley Bartender

6. The Chef (from _South Park_)

7. Nosey Parker (ex-butler to Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward)

8. Q's food mixing machine (James Bond's ally)

9. Mr. Krabs (from Spongebob Squarepants)  
10. Ninja Turtles' Pizza Palace

11. Elvis Criddlington (from Pontypandy)

12. Baker Bob

13. Wallace!

Wallace was the only that was not crossed in red and Gromit could not believe. "Oh, my God! Oh, my good God!" he yelled, knocking all the dummies down.

Down stairs, Piella Bakewell heard something from upstairs. "Fluffles, check it out!" she ordered.

"Right away, Miss Piella," said Fluffles. She heard upstairs. "I see the dummies neatly sorted out and your murdering schedule!" she called down.

Piella came up and saw that Fluffles was right. Nothing was out of order.

"In that case, let's get an early night, Fluffles," ordered Piella. "Our baker is nicely cheesed up. Good night, Fluffles."

"Good night, Miss Piella," said Fluffles back, getting into her own cardboard box.

High above, on the chandelier, Gromit was hanging on, trying to not to fall asleep. "It was nice of Hiro Nakamura to freeze time to sort this everything out, but why couldn't he teleport me out so I could warm Wallace?"

* * *

Later on, Gromit was falling asleep. Then he fell off! He was heading straight for Piella, who turned into the Balrog! And both of them fell through the bedroom into the mines of Moria!

"You shall not pass!" yelled Gromit. He grabbed a sword and fought the Balrog until they landed in the water pit!

Then Gromit woke up! "Phew! Thank God it was a dream," he sighed. Then he realised. "Oh, my God. I must warn, Wallace!" He ran out quickly. Then he realised he forgot the book to prove to Wallace, so he grabbed that and ran out.


	4. It's Up to Me Now

Gromit drove the van to 62 West Wallaby Street. But he didn't get far out after Piella's drive, because there was a giant traffic jam ahead of him.

"Right, it's time for the Men in Black trick," he sighed as he pressed the M.I.B. button. The van rumbled and hovered as it lifted up in the air and it flew above the traffic jam.

Outside of 62 West Wallaby Street, the road runner was running by. Then Wild E. Coyote appeared and got out his fork and knife ready to eat him. Then the Top Bun van landed on top of the coyote.

"Mee-mee!" said the road runner as he shot off.

"You're welcome!" called Gromit, as he got out of the van and went inside 62. He went to the lounge and he found Wallace.

"Oh, there you are, stranger," greeted his master. "Where have you been?"

"As I returned Piella's purse," began Gromit, showing him Piella's dairy, "I found this and – "

"Wait a minute!" interrupted Wallace. "I have something _more_ important to tell _you_ first. Isn't that right, my giant glass of beer?"

Gromit turned around and saw Piella and Fluffles had beaten him to it. Piella rose to Wallace. "Yes, my giant gin and tonic," she agreed. "Wallace had proposed to me and I said 'Yes', in no seconds flat."

"What the hell?" shouted Gromit.

"That was a strange reaction," frowned Wallace.

"No, I mean that's my way of seeing and saying something new," Gromit lied, realizing Wallace was no help at all. "Like seeing _Star Wars_ for the first time."

_In 1977, Gromit was one of the first few people to see_ Star Wars _at the cinema and, when he saw the Stardestroyer chasing the Rebel Cruiser, he cried, "What the hell?" And everyone shouted, "SHUSH!" at him._

"Well, in that case, let me give you a sexy kiss," cried Piella. Gromit tried to walk away, but Piella grabbed him and her diary out of his paws. She kissed him so much to make sure he didn't see her throw her dairy on the glowing fire.

"There you see," she smiled. "That wasn't too bad. In time, we're going to get along much better than twin siblings!"

_Piella remembers the time, when she was signing autographs, there was two twin ginger-haired brothers, who were arguing about getting the autograph._

_"I want it!"_

_"No, you don't deserve it!"_

_Piella just signed two of them and gave them each. But when they each got one, one looked at the other's autograph and tried to take it from him._

* * *

"Why must I do everything myself?" complained Gromit, as he spend the night looking for something to prevent Piella for killing Wallace. "What if I just lock the door and eat it in my mouth? No, Wallace will only break out with the Mole he bought from International Rescue!" He looked at the picture seeing Wallace riding the Mole out the garden. "What if I kill her before she kills him? No, I'm not that kind of hero and it wouldn't make me any better than she is. I need something just to get rid of her items before she does anything. But how?"

He decided to get out _Electronics for Dog_ and read through it. He found something rather good. "That's it!" he exclaimed.

For the rest of the night, there was a lot of hammering, sawing, tapping and drilling. But Gromit knew Wallace wouldn't hear it due to the cotton wool in his ears. That morning, No. 62 had a visitor and you know who it would be.

"Hello, my baked lobster!" greeted Piella as Wallace opened the door.

"Come in, my roasted turkey!" greeted Wallace back, as she walked in the house. But she didn't get far due to the Spectrum Security Scanner Gromit had built from his book. Gromit, wearing a Captain Scarlet hat, searched her whole body and her bag.

"Sorry, lovely," Wallace apologized to Piella. "He's suspicious."

"Due to the cereal killer on the loose?" asked Piella.

"Yes, that's right," agreed Gromit, as he snatched her bag and found… only a pot with a spoon. As an annoyed Wallace snatched the Piella's stuff back and went in the kitchen with Piella, Gromit saw Fluffles, who was looking sad.

"Miss Piella isn't _that_ beaten yet, for sure," she sighed.

"Don't worry," Gromit assured her. "I've taken care of a few businesses."

When they entered the kitchen, Wallace and Piella prepared for their lunch.

"How about some nice onion soup to start with?" asked Piella.

"And with the bread to go with it, it will be perfect." But when Wallace got the bread, he couldn't find the knife to cut it with. And he couldn't find any knives or forks or even spoons. "That dog!"

"Never mind, he's busy minding his own business. He won't bother us now, not with this delicious soup I made myself."

Wallace sat down and looked forward to eating this soup but, as he was about to taste the first mouthful from his spoon, Gromit knocked him off his chair and had it!

"It's all right, Wallace, I was being a food taster," said Gromit to an angry Wallace, thinking up off an excuse.

"I don't need a royal food taster!" shouted Wallace. "Now I'm going to sell you away if you don't trust Piella!"  
"Oh, Wallace, don't be _that_ threatening!" begged Piella, pulling Gromit by the ears. "He must want examples of my cooking, that's all. Now, let Auntie Piella sort you out," she said to Piella. Then she whispered, "You're dead, mutt!" And she got out a mini lightsabre and sliced her arm with dipping bloody blood! "Ouch! He sliced me!"

"WHAT THE HELL?" yelled a shocked Wallace.

"I was just trying to help him and he was playing Darth Vader against Princess Leia with me!"

"GROMIT!"  
"I didn't do it!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't!" yelled Gromit, having the last straw with him. "If you weren't so blinded by that bitch, you would know what's good for you!"

"Gromit! You know, brawns have no voice over brains!" Wallace argued back.

"Well, Wallace, we need to show who's boss," joined in Piella, getting out a chain.

Now, Gromit, knew there was no way out of this. He looked at Fluffles.

"Don't worry," she said. "She does it to me all the time."

_It's true! Piella makes Fluffles, in chains and wearing a muzzle, do the dishes, the hovering, the sweeping, the gardening and the ariel position on the telly, being the model herself. And if she is not being fast enough for her, Piella use the hoover behind her just to make her go faster._

And that's Wallace did to Gromit. He was in chains and wearing a muzzle and he had to do the dishes.

"That will teach you not to offend or assault anyone!" Wallace told Gromit, locking him to the chains.

"Oh, Wallace, my steak and kidney pie, have you got a minute?" called Piella from upstairs.

"Coming, my pizza slice," called Wallace back. Then he turned to Gromit. "As for you, you're not going anywhere until you have done every bit. I don't want to see a pea on a fork left."

Gromit was working on the dishes, but he was more focused on upstairs, where he saw Piella and Wallace.

"I'm sorry, Wallace," said Piella. "My left shoe fell off and it landed on the cogs here."

Wallace tried to work out how Piella's shoe could have got on the cogs. But he quickly stepped forward to do it. Piella looked down at Wallace and smiled as she began to try to push him into the cogs.

Gromit tried to grab the key Wallace put on the key holder, but he couldn't reach it. "WALLACE! WALLACE!" he shouted.

"Shut up, Gromit!" Wallace shouted back. "I've taken enough crap from you!"

Piella was getting closer and closer, then a flour bag was flying towards her and it pushed her down the stairs.

Finally, Wallace was able to catch the shoe. Then he turned around and saw his lover has vanished. "Hey, where have you gone?" he asked. Then he saw the flour traits on the stairs. There, at the bottom, he found her, coughing in flour.

"Are you all right, my flower? Oh, flour. Get it?" Wallace chuckled as he tried to help her.

"GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME!" shrieked Piella, jumping up. Wallace back away. "I hate flour and flowers, for your information! And I hate damn bread! And I hate bloody bakers! You complete and utter shithead!" She took the ring off her head and threw it in Wallace's face.

She started to head down the stairs, but Wallace, now scared of her, followed her. "Can't we talk about this?" he begged. "I didn't know you were allergic to flour. I'll change my job and – "

"NO! Just piss off!" She grabbed Fluffles and they headed out of the door. "I'm going to have a word with you back home!"

* * *

Wallace was so depressed about Piella breaking up with him, so he decided to free Gromit and do the dishes himself. When he finished, he wasn't feeling any better. So Gromit kindly made him a cup of tea.

"Thank you, Gromit," he said sadly. "I can't work it out. Why didn't she tell me she was allergic to flour?"

Gromit knew Wallace was upset so he decided to keep the murdering business quiet. "Maybe she was trying to change, so the chemistry between you two would work. Obviously, it didn't."

"Well, at least, I'm not a shithead, am I, lad?"

"Well… Er… You… Are…"

"Well what?"

"Well, nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect."

"Well, no one can be everyone's cup of tea," sighed Wallace. "Not even the movies the big critics rave about."

"I'll drink to that," Gromit sighed. They toasted their cups of tea and were just about to drink it, when… the doorbell rang.

Wallace got up and answered the door. It was Piella with a present. "I'm so sorry, Wallace," she apologized. "When flour gets up my nose, it affects my brain and it… You know."

"Yes, I get the picture," replied Wallace. "Well, all is forgiven."  
"No, I have brought you this cake to make up," she insisted.

"Well, you shouldn't have, but if you insist," Wallace smiled.

"I can't join you, because Fluffles isn't feeling too well, so I must go back and look after her," Piella said, heading to the door. "I'm sorry."

"That's right," said Wallace. "Bye-bye, my love."

"Bye-bye, my brave chicken," said Fluffles, closing the door behind her.

"Well, Gromit, how about getting the kettle on, lad?" But Gromit was nowhere to be seen or heard. "Gromit? GROMIT?"


	5. Gromit and Fluffles to the Rescue

But Gromit wasn't at No. 62. He was at Piella's mansion. He heard about Fluffles's illness, but he knew it was bollocks. So he went into Piella's room and began looking for her.

"Fluffles, where are you?" he called. "Fluffles? Fluffles?" Then he heard whimpering and it was coming from a blanket over her bed. But there was something under the blanket.

"Hey, there," said Gromit calmly and gently, as he went to the bed. "It's all right. It's me." But, as he lifted the blanket off, it was a radio, playing _Can You Feel The Love Tonight?_ By Elton John.

"What the hell?" Gromit was puzzled, then he was grabbed by… Piella!

"Hello, Scooby Doo!"

"Scooby-Doo?"

"Yeah, you as meddling as him," Piella chuckled. "You're smart, but _not_ as smart as me. You came to your cell, while your master's tea party will go off with a bang. Speaking of which, you call him a master? If he's an arsehead, why do you risk your life for him?"

"I'm not telling you!" yelled Gromit. "And I'm going to rescue him!"

"No, you're not!" Piella open a closet and threw Gromit in with Fluffles. "Don't think, when I'm done with baldy, it'll be over. I'll take care of you two, later!" She closed the door.

Gromit was not defeated yet. He tried to open the door, but it was no good.

"Why do you want to save your master if he's mean to you?" asked Fluffles.

"He's not mean," answered Gromit. "He's a little think, that's all. He is good to me most of the time. All my life, in fact.

_Gromit began to remember when he was the lonely puppy in a pet shop and Wallace was the only one who would come in and buy him. He remembered the time when toilet-training him, Wallace would do it on the mat himself just to show him. Gromit remembered all the inventions Wallace invented and tried, but failed. Now he remembered all, he was thinking of all the good times and forgetting about his long-suffering business._

"Well, how are we going to get out of here?" asked Fluffles. "I mean, this is where Miss Piella keeps all of her Bake-O-Lite balloon and stuff. Not very helpful, is it?"

This stopped Gromit and it gave him an idea.

The clock struck four!

"At last, my thirteenth!" cheered Piella. "My baker's dozen!"

Then she heard fire roaring. She turned around and found Gromit and Fluffles riding on the balloon and floating away to No. 62 West Wallaby Street. She saw there was a hole in the closet and he saw Superman flying away.

"Damn that balloon!" Piella cried. "And damn these superheroes! They'll be there in no time!"

* * *

It was four o'clock at No. 62.

"Come on, lad!" cried Wallace. "What's keeping you?" He waited and waited. "Well, I'm not waiting for you any longer." So he decided to light the candles. But he just couldn't get the matches to strike a light. Then Gromit bashed in through the windows, which made Wallace jump, but also made him strike a light.

"Don't light it!" ordered Gromit. But it was too late. Wallace lit it already. Gromit tried to put it out with the water from a vase, with a tea pot and even his own spit, much to Wallace's dismay, but it didn't work. So he picked it up and decided to take it out.

"Oy! What the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Wallace, grabbing the cake.

"What I always do: Save your own damn arse!" answered Gromit.

After a quick fight over the cake, it fell down and it didn't even splat; it was plastic and something deadly inside.

"Gromit! The cake is a bomb!" shouted Wallace.

"I can see that! I knew it all along, you idiot!" Gromit sighed, bashing his head on the floor.

"Wait! Piella gave me this cake," Wallace remembered. "Why would she want to kill me?"

"Did it ever occur to you that Piella is the cereal killer?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"He's right!" They looked ahead and saw Piella, holding a rolling pin in her left hand and Fluffles in her right hand. "He was right all along! If you listened to him… Well, you know. Now, it's too late. So do what I say or Fluffles gets bashed for good!"

Then Fluffles bit her hand. That made Piella fall backwards. "Grab it, Gromit!" she cried. "Run!"

Gromit obeyed Fluffles.

"You betrayed me for the last time, you stupid – " And Piella kicked her in the stomach.

* * *

"Get that thing away, lad!" Wallace yelled to Gromit, as the long-suffering mutt carried the bomb up to the top of the windmill.

Gromit couldn't decide where to throw it. At one window, he saw a beach, with lots of people playing volleyball, sun-bathing, swimming in the sea or water-skiing. He tried the next window and he saw three homeless people, just sitting on the pavements with a sign, saying 'Please put us out of our misery". Gromit knew better than that, so he moved on. Then he looked ahead and saw Mount Doom in the distance.

"That's it, lad," yelled Wallace. "Use your loaf!"

But Gromit was bashed out of the room and he fell down into the baking pot! But, on the plus side, the bomb was now stuck on one of the windmill's arms. Not that Piella was please, but she found a way to kill Wallace with a spanner!

"But, Piella, I don't understand!" Wallace cried as he tried to get away from her. "You're the Bake-O-Lite girl."

"Not anymore!" she yelled. "I fell in love with my job and the bread. So much that I couldn't resist it. But then I couldn't ride that damn balloon anymore. So I got sacked and no one will hire me afterwards! And it's all thanks to the bakers and their delicious food!"

"Then it's _your_ fault you lost your job, not mine and not my friends' either!" protested Wallace.

"If they make the bread in the first place, then it is. All of you!"

"GROMIT!" Wallace yelled. "WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?"

But the spanner Piella was holding didn't hit him. A giant glove slammed her across the room! They all looked ahead and that the fork truck was moving.

"Well done, lad!" cried Wallace.

"I don't see any boys here," said a female voice.

"Lass?" It's true. Fluffles was in the fork truck and the gloves were holding two swords. She charged for Piella who had an axe. It was like Gimli the Dwarf fighting General Grievous.

"Go, girl! Go, girl!" yelled Wallace, enjoying the fight.

But Piella knocked one of the fork truck's arms to push Wallace outside on the windmill's arms. Fluffles managed to push the axe out Piella's hands, but it flew across the room, shaking the whole windmill. That caused Wallace and the bomb on the windmill arms to fall back down into the room. It also shook the baking pot, freeing Gromit. He made his way back up and saw Fluffles nearly pushing Piella out of the window.

"Has anyone seen the bomb?" asked Wallace, who was on scene. Everyone saw sizzling coming out of his trousers. "What? Where is it?"

"_Auf Wiedersehen_, Wallace!" shouted Piella, who jumped on the balloon and began to fly away. "Your arse will not be smelly anymore."

"What's wrong with my arse?" asked Wallace, looking at it. It had the bomb! "Ah, Gromit! I have a bomb in my arse! Help me, Gromit! Don't just stand there!"

"Fluffles, get to the controls!" ordered Gromit. Fluffles obeyed, while Gromit grabbed Wallace's trousers. He put a pipe into his right-hand part. "Maximum now!" yelled Gromit. Fluffles put it up to maximum. The dogs took cover as Wallace's trousers grew like giant tree roots and –

BANG! The windmill blew off from the explosion and followed by it was a giant gas of breaking wind! The dogs, holding their noses, looked and saw Wallace alive and even his own arse was unhurt!

Down below, a tour bus was driving past No. 62, when some cried, "Look! It's another moon!" And everyone took pictures of this "new moon".

Piella was angry when she saw Wallace alive. "I'm not finished with you! I'll get you next, Wallace!" she shouted in a Dr. Claw voice.

"But, Piella, if the balloon wouldn't hold you before, it won't hold you now!" Wallace said back.

"But I lost weight, trying to kill you, and I spent a lot of energy – " But Wallace was right. The balloon was falling down into the zoo and into the crocodile pit!

"Man, that was good!" cried the male.

"When will the next cereal killer come next?" asked the female.

"Who knows?"

Then the balloon ascended into the sky, but Piella's ghost did not go to Heaven; it fell down to Hell!

Wallace and the dogs were shocked about what happened and what they had been through. Then Wallace got over his ex-lover's death. "I'm going to put the kettle on," he told the dogs, exiting the mill. "You two can join me if you want."

Gromit looked at Fluffles. "Are you coming with me?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I need privacy and to make amends for those bakers I couldn't stop her from killing."

Soon, she walked out of No. 62 and Gromit, though hurt, decided to do what's right and let her live her own life.


	6. Fluffles Comes Back

Wallace had made himself and a very tearful Gromit a nice cup of tea. They were watching the news.

"Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diana Simmons."

"First of all, we go to Ollie Williams with the weather forecast. Well, Ollie?"

"Damn good sunshine!" Ollie shouted.

"Thanks, Ollie," smiled Tom. "Now, to Tricia Takanawa."

Tricia Takanawa was at the zoo. "Well, Tom, I'm here at the Zoo, where the famous actress of the Bake-O-Lite commercials, Piella Bakewell, was eaten by this crocodile. And here's Mayor Adam West here to award this crocodile for "Avenging the bakers who didn't deserve to die."

Mayor Adam West appeared, putting the medal over the crocodile's head. "For avenging the bakers who didn't deserve to die," he announced, shaking his hand.

"Well, all I can say is I'm pleased I did my part of making the streets extra safe and that the bitch had not gotten away with it," smiled the crocodile.

Gromit angrily turned the telly off.

"Never mind, lad," said Wallace calmly. "We've both been through hell this week, haven't we, lad? But yours was a bread-hating-murdering cereal killer, like my bitch."

This was the first comfort that Wallace had given Gromit in years. But Gromit wasn't really letting it stink into him. "But why'd she had to go?"

" She wouldn't say " sang Wallace, remembering the Beatles song. "But anyway she wanted to go and confess and make amends, but you being an atheist, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Gromit was too upset to react to that.

"Tell you what, lad, let's go and look at some hot girls at the beach," suggested Wallace. "That'll cheer us up."

* * *

So Wallace and Gromit loaded up their van with beach equipment and they began to set off when they saw out of their garage… Fluffles!  
"Fluffles?" Gromit was pleased. "You came back!"

"Only because I have nothing to live for," explained Fluffles. "I tried everything."

_Indeed, she did. She tried working in a bank, in a post office, in a landfill, as a taxi driver, as a writer… but nothing worked out for her._

"Anyway, come with us," offered Gromit, opening the door.

Fluffles smiled and entered the van.

"Always room for a small one," smiled Wallace.

Fluffles insert a CD of _Puppy Love_ and the three of them drove off into the sunset. But Gromit nearly hit the side of the road.

"Careful, lad," ordered Wallace. "Focus!"

And Gromit sighed, letting Wallace blabber crap out of his mouth.


	7. Credits

"…and West Wallaby was safe from murders once again," finished Meg. But then she saw that everyone was reading a baby book that Stewie was holding.

"Very good, Stewie," smiled Lois. "Very good reading."

"Have you been reading that baby book for thirty minutes?" Meg demanded.

"Well, no, honey," said Lois, trying to think a way out of it.

"We only read it six times," said Peter.

Then the plane landed and everyone was boarded on and everyone, except Meg, was happy.

* * *

Cast List

Peter Griffin as Wallace

Brian Griffin as Gromit

Angela as Piella Bakewell

Jillian Russell as Fluffles

Opie as Baker Bob

Recurring:

Tom Tucker as himself

Diana Simmons as herself

Ollie Williams as himself

Tricia Takanawa as herself

Mayor Adam West as himself

And Stewie Griffin as Feathers McGraw

Other Characters:

Sherriff Woody and Bulls-eye (from _Toy Story)_

Edmund Blackadder (from _Blackadder III_)

Sod off Bladrick (from _Blackadder III_)

Prince Regent (from _Blackadder III_)

Swedish Chef (from the Muppets)

Alfredo Linguini and Remy (from _Ratautiloe_)

Mickey Murphy (from _Camberwick Green_)

Private Sod Off Baldrick (from _Blackadder Goes Forth_)

The Mos Eisley Bartender (from _Star Wars_)

The Chef (from _South Park_)

Nosey Parker (from _Thunderbirds_)

Q's food mixing machine (James Bond's ally)

Mr. Krabs (from Spongebob Squarepants)  
Ninja Turtles' Pizza Palace

Elvis Criddlington (from _Fireman Sam_)

Superman (from DC Comics)

**Credits**

Written by Bobby South

Based on _A Matter of Loaf and Death_ written by Nick Park and Bob Baker

Wallace and Gromit created by Nick Park

_Family Guy _created and developed by Seth MacFarlane

_Family Guy_ co-developed by David Zuckerman


End file.
